I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
