so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
