ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
