Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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