I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
