i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
