I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
