i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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