It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
