why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
