WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
