yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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