The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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