I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
