my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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