I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
