becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
