butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
