wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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