the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
