someone owes me an orgasm
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
