the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
