"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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