Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
