Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
