My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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