THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
