Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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