He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
