I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
