so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
