Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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