Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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