somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
