So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
