her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
