I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
