Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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