i just had sex bonerless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
