I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
