toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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