After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
