The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
