You really coming over, don't trick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
