Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize