you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
