this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
