i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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