dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
