I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
